Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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