im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish you could order shots online.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
