I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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