i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
