he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
