Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
