Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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