so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize