are you so shy because you have an std?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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