It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
