i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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