Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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