Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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