OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize