remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize