Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i barfeds in our rink
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
