she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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