Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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