How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He? As in you personified your dick?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
