I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize