So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
