Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
