And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
