My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We smell like vodka and hangover
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
