Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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