She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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