textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
