how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize