Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
