I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
