So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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