If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
