she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
