I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
