I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Alive.
So much puke
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
