you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize