And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
