All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
