yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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