I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
