he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
