living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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