"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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