one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dear god my vagina.
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