Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
