I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
