these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
