I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
