Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
