Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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