I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
