So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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