My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
