Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
