i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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