they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
