Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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