if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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