She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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