miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
