omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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