im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
