i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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