Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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