Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
