hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
