I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
