oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
