I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
