just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
