I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This is my gift to your gina
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
