DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
